Still confused about HOW to regulate?
Even for the most dysregulated ADHDer
Every time I post about dysregulation, someone asks:
“Okay, but how do I regulate?”
It’s a fair question.
But the answer is not as simple as “relax your shoulders” or “take a deep breath.”
Those things help, but they’re not regulation.
They’re interruptions — little moments that open the door to regulation.
Real regulation has layers.
It’s the process of recalibrating your body, thoughts, and behavior so they are in balance and no longer swinging from one extreme to the other.
🧍♀️ 1. Body Regulation — Interrupting the Survival Loop
When you’re dysregulated, your nervous system is convinced stress = danger.
You might not feel scared, but your body is acting like it’s in a crisis — tense muscles, racing thoughts, pounding heart, scattered focus.
This is why calm tasks like sending an email or filling out a form can feel impossible.
Your system isn’t built for calm right now; it’s built to run from a bear. (And this can be a real issue when 99.9% of our modern day lives require cool, calm brains, not flailing limbs).
That’s why body-based regulation is always the first layer.
It’s how you send the signal: “We’re safe now.”
Small interrupters work best:
Drop your shoulders
Take a deep breath
Slow down physically
Slow down mentally (focus on what’s in front of you, in the room)
Not because a deep breath will solve your problem — but because they remind your body you’re not in danger anymore.
And when your body feels safe, the rest of you can come back online.
PLEASE NOTE: This is about repetition, just like lifting weights. We don’t lift one weight and go, oh I’m not stronger, that doesn’t work. Same thing with interrupting dysregulation.
🧠 2. Thought & Belief Regulation — Reconnecting to Reality
Once your body is grounded, you can start to notice the next layer: your thoughts.
For many ADHDers, our belief systems were built during years of dysregulation — constant overwhelm, pressure, and shame.
Those experiences teach the brain to believe things rooted in fear.
So even when life gets quieter, your thoughts keep shouting:
“You’re lazy.”
“You’re behind.”
“You’re not doing enough.”
This is dysregulation in thought form.
Regulating your thoughts isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything’s fine.
It’s about gently rewiring your inner dialogue to match reality, not fear.
The best analogy for this is GPS. You could take 1,000 wrong turns, the GPS will still just redirect you and tell you what the next step is from where you are. It accepts that you’ve gone 5 miles too far west and simply says, do a U turn.
Imagine if your GPS shamed you for 20 minutes about how you should have turned left and that you should be at your destination by now before it would start again - how inefficient and unpleasant!
That’s what we are doing when we are in our dysregulated thinking:
I SHOULD be further along.
I’m behind.
I’m not enough.
She gets more work done than me.
Thought and belief regulation is thinking more like a GPS - you are here, now what?
When we are more accepting of reality your thoughts stop leading you into panic, and allows you to stay in a more regulated state (where your executive functioning goes up and your ADHD symptoms go down).
🔄 3. Behavior Regulation — Choosing Balance Over Reaction
The third layer of regulation is finding balance in our actions.
When your body feels safe and your thoughts are steady, your behavior naturally changes.
You start doing things on purpose instead of from panic.
You set boundaries, rest before crashing, finish projects without overdoing.
You start responding to life instead of reacting to it.
This doesn’t mean you become perfectly calm — it means your energy finally has direction.
You stop swinging between all-or-nothing habits and start finding a middle ground.
That’s the zone where life actually starts working.
🌱 Bringing It All Together
Regulation isn’t about being calm all the time.
It’s about recovering faster and spending more time in a state where we are present and feel safe and more comfortable.
It’s what allows ADHD brains to access the parts of the mind that can plan, focus, and follow through.
The ADHD Regulation Method™ was built on these three layers — body, thoughts, and behavior — working together.
It’s a practice, not a quick fix.
And it’s the most freeing work you’ll ever do.
This week’s reflection:
Where are you currently trying to regulate?
Your body (tension, exhaustion)?
Your thoughts (self-criticism, catastrophizing)?
Your behavior (overdoing or avoiding)?
Just notice which layer is asking for attention.
That noticing is regulation already. 🌿
📘 If you want to explore this more deeply:
Free guide: Learn how to recognize and interrupt dysregulation
Podcast episode: “How to Regulate for Real: The Three Layers of ADHD Regulation”
Join the waitlist: ADHD Regulation Groups start again in January